To Nacho Cheese,

I love you for your consistency. Being an original can be hard, but you have stood the test of time. You have been a household figure, not only my life but also the lives of all world citizens, since 1974. I salute your dedicated work to this world. You truly are my “Little Golden Thing”, the true meaning of the word Doritos. It’s really no wonder, since you were born at The Most Magical Place On Earth.

To Cool Ranch,

I love you for your layers. To us, you may be Cool Ranch. To the UK, you may be Cool Original. To other parts of the world, you may be Cool American. It does not matter your name, for you are just as delicious and delectable wherever I might find you. The recently added layers of seasoning is an added bonus. Many have crowned you as the best Dorito flavor, but heavy is the bag that wears the crown. Don’t lose your touch. Or the added seasoning. The Super Bowl commercial with Lil Nas X did add to your clout though. Well done.

To Spicy Nacho,

I love you for your misnomer. While you are not at all spicy; you are my absolute favorite. A close sibling to Nacho Cheese, but with just a hint more of added flavor. You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are no longer being sold at the RaceTrac across from campus. Why? Is it something I said? Something I did? Fellow patrons and even RaceTrac employees themselves do not understand the withdrawal, but we do plan to discuss with Frito Lay. It will be okay, my love. I will always find you.

To Flamin’ Hot,

I’m not too sure about you. As the baby in the Dorito family, you’ve been pushed upon us all without warning by Frito Lay Advertising. I believe you are to blame for Spicy Nacho’s shove off our shelves. Your flavoring mimics your cousin, the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto, so no points for originality. But truly, loved flavors survive the test of time. We shall see how you mature in the limelight, Flamin’ Hot, but regardless, my peers are sure I will grow to love you as devotedly as I love the others.

I give you all my unconditional love. 

(Except you Flamin’ Hot. We ain’t there yet.)

From,

Jewel Hardwick

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.